Day 3 on the Island

Day 2 was a success! 

I feel like I need to celebrate successes on a daily basis to help me stay motivated.  The other thing helping me stay motivated is that the fat on my right hip seems to be larger than that of my left.  I noticed that little gem when trying on a Banana Republic Christmas gift.  nice.

Day 2 started in an interesting way, I woke up at 1:30AM and couldn't go back to sleep.  As in, I couldn't go back to sleep for the REST OF THE NIGHT!  I don't know that has ever happened to me before.  I have willfully stayed up until awful hours in the morning but I am not sure my internal alarm has ever screwed me over quite like that....  The other peice of good news is that I was heading to an office about 3 hours away for a day of fun filled meetings.  Why does this matter you ask?  It matters because by 11am I looked like a zombie and may have had a drool stain on my jacket.  That my friends is how to define looking professional.

I don't think I blame any of the above on my new way of eating.  I may blame the not sleeping on my lack of evening wine, yes I gave that up (during the week) too.  This realization happened when I was texting to a neighbor and friend about my awful sleepless night.  She is on the Weight Watchers journey as well, and she knows that I am no longer having regular glasses of wine...  She jokingly (i think) texted back something to the affect of - see, I told you that you were an alkie.  Thats what friends are for, bring you back to reality.  Luckily, I have not idenfied any other potential symptoms of withdrawal aside from carrying a full wine bottle around like a baby and singing it songs about the way things used to be.  I do have to say that I slept like a rock last night, but I think not sleeping for nearly 24hours is not a sustainable game plan.

This morning I woke up in a bit of a panic because I have to get back on the scale at my next WW meeting which is approximately 5 days, 1 hour, 39 mintes and 2 seconds  away from this moment- but really, who is counting.  I am nervous that I won't lose any weight and that I will get called out in front of the group for being a cog in the wheel of the world's overall success.  Maybe I should rein that in.  I have however put a boycott on daily weigh ins at my house.  I have found in the past that this just makes me an obsessive and crazy person who pushes everyone away and only focuses on myself and food.  There is more to life this time, thats what I keep telling myself.  This needs to be sustainable.  I can totally do this.

Enough of the motivational speeches, now I am turning my focus on exercise.  I have a fantastic oppotunity to become a long distance runner only because I have a crazy dog that needs about 8 hours of exercise a day.  While this truely may begreat for motivation, the only concern is that I run like a duck.  The last time I checked, ducks were not compared to marathon runners, sprinters, joggers, etc.  I need to run more like a cheetah.  I have a lot of animal print in my closet, so maybe I can just dress in my leopard skirt, zebra belt, cheetah shoes, and giraffe blouse....  put on the Nike's and hit the road!!  I think this could definately improve my speed, especially as I am running from being picked up by the mental patient paddywagon.  I think I'll go back to the drawing board on that one.

I wish everyone good luck in your own journeys today.  I will spend the rest of my day working and chewing on celery.  Don't be jealous, I just like to live the high life.

Peace out from the biggest girl on the smallest legs!
XOXO

Day 1 (for the six hundreth time)...

Hello world, and welcome to the first day of my last struggle with weight loss. I'm serious. I have failed six hundred times, but this time is different. I am looking at the last year and a half of my 20's, and I don't want to have to get the largest size that Ann Taylor Loft carries, or have to be embarrassed that JCrew "runs small" enough where it is a waste of time to even walk into the store. I know what you are thinking, "not another whiney blog from a fat girl", but this is different. I hope ;)

This isn't just about being shunned from mid-grade couture. That is most definately a very annoying side effect of my life, but it's really about the important things... What are these things you ask? I want to feel good naked. Like, I don't just want to feel good, I want to look freaking hot. How about that awful demonic thing called a bathing suit? I want to run the other way when I see them, especially the ones with the built in skirt and oversized floral print (which is apparently all a size 16 should wear). You know, I can change that I look crappy in a size 16. I may not be able to change my Amazonian size feet (thanks dad), but I can lose the gut (also, thanks dad). Oh wait, I can't blame my overeating and drive thru obsession on my father, but it sure makes me feel better :).

So this is the first day of my journey to put the kabash on looking like a potato on toothpicks. Did I mention I have super skinny legs, am 5'8, and have a grown man's stomach? Oh, those are just minor details. We may revisit that later. Or maybe not.

I went to my first weight watchers meeting tonight.  I had very mixed emotions which included excitement, fear of being judged, and did I mention excitement?  I have tried WW online before and it worked, but I quit and gained the weight back.  This time, when I lose the weight I am going to remind myself how much time, money, and celery I went through before I make the decision to go grab some McDonald's fries.  I don't want to be the fat friend, fat sister, fat daughter, fat granddaughter, fat auntie, or fat wife anymore. 

Thank you for joining me on this last pilgrimage to look good naked, or look good in Ann Taylor, whatever.

Peace out from the biggest girl with the smallest legs ;)