Five days used to seem like a long time. When I was a child that kind of time would feel more like a lifetime, especially if I was anticipating something. If I had five days to hit a work deadline, I would be golden. If I had five days for vacation, that would be amazing. But no I have only five minuscule, measly, small days before I need to step back on that intimidating white beast of a scale.
Why is the scale so intimidating to me you ask? It is intimidating because it measures whether I am a success or a failure. Simple. If I lose weight, I have been a success. If I lose a lot of weight, I am a rock star. But what if I get on the beast, and after all of my careful food preparation and moderated intake, a big goose egg pops up. OMG. What if, stay with me here, I get on the beast and a positive number shows. Is there life after that kind of public humiliation?
I am not sure when my complex over personal failure reared its ugly head. I can’t imagine it was when I was in high school because I didn’t try but so hard, and if I was in the middle of the pack that was just fine with me. I don’t think it was college either because my GPA was not something that I would tattoo on my forehead for all to see. So that leaves the last option which is when I started my career at Capital One. Mystery Solved. Failure on any scale at this company is exacerbated by 10,000 highly functioning and performing individuals with impressive educational and professional wrap sheets.
But I was already pudgy when I got my job, wouldn’t it make sense that I would’ve whipped myself into shape before now? Well, yes. And I did try. And I did succeed, but it was not long term success. I crave long term success. Long term success is going to take more than a month, more than three months, and maybe even years. I need to look at the five days ahead of me, and the week after that and the months that are quietly waiting, as my challenge and the path to my success.
These next five days will be my personal challenge to stay on track with my eating, put on my animal print running attire, and take control of what I can to secure a success on the beast. I think instead of the beast I am going to give the scale a silly same to make it feel less scary. Maybe I’ll call it Blanche, or Ruby. Those are names that don’t intimidate me. PLEASE HOLD.
After a careful 10 second deep thought, I have decided that going forward I shall only refer to the scale as Blanche, plus I realllllly miss The Golden Girls.
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